Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Portal 2 Companion Cube Lunch Box!

my man got me a little early graduation present. a lunch box for grad school! it's from one of my favorite games (portal/portal 2) and it's adorable.
just to really round out the post (two in one day?!), i want to add some hilarious quotes from the game. portal fans will know just what it's all about. and if you haven't played portal, you probably should.
Cake, and grief counseling, will be available at the conclusion of the test. 

 Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official testing record, followed by death.

Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grid, which may, in semi-rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth. 

There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come, either, because you don't have any other friends because of how unlikable you are. It says so right here in your personnel file: "Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner, whose passing shall not be mourned. Shall NOT be mourned." That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted, so that's funny, too.  

The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak. 

Oh. Hi. So. How are you holding up? BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.  

Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: "A horrible person." We weren't even testing for that. Don't let that horrible-person thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep. 

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