Cake, and grief counseling, will be available at the conclusion of the test.
Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact
with the chamber floor will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your
official testing record, followed by death.
Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any
test protocol but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science
Material Emancipation Grid, which may, in semi-rare cases, emancipate
dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth.
There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your
friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, the Companion Cube.
Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other
friends couldn't come, either, because you don't have any other friends
because of how unlikable you are. It says so right here in your
personnel file: "Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner,
whose passing shall not be mourned. Shall NOT be mourned." That's
exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were
adopted, so that's funny, too.
The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak.
Oh. Hi. So. How are you holding up? BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm
serious, that's what it says: "A horrible person." We weren't even
testing for that. Don't let that horrible-person thing discourage you.
It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now
validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
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